Tough Love
Love gets confused a lot in American Christianity because we’re accustomed to thinking about it in very simple forms. Love can quickly be reduced to “I love tacos” or can become synonymous with romantic love. God is love and Jesus is God with skin on. So, our understanding of love needs to begin with Jesus. A great place to start developing a Jesus-centered picture of love is by looking at the red letters: the words spoken by Jesus as recorded primarily in the four gospel accounts: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.
Those words are sometimes comforting, but are oftentimes challenging. For example, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 13:15).
Another good one is, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?” (Matthew 5:43-46).
That’s tough! It’s also only possible through the power of the Holy Spirit. Left to our own devices, we’d be inclined to mirror what we see in the movies, which really just mirror what’s seen or longed for in society. Earthly justice. Revenge. The antagonists get theirs at the end of the story - usually through some kind of physical or emotional domination from the protagonist.
That’s not Jesus’ way. Yes, he was tough on some people. He was critical of the Pharisees, he had some strong words for Harod. BUT, that came from a place of loving God and loving others so much that he sought to correct and warn them about the error of their ways.
Know this, though, Jesus’ tough words of accountability came through his prayers. He did not and would not tell us to do something he wasn’t doing himself. If Jesus said, “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” we can trust that he loved Herod and the Pharisees and prayed for them, too.
So, when you’re tempted to issue “tough love” in the name of Jesus, ask yourself a couple simple questions first:
Am I speaking from a place of love for this person (or these people)?
How much have I been praying for them?
This is tough love.
Not being tough in the name of love,
but choosing to love when it’s tough.